Future MIL put me in an awkward situation - Overbearing MILs | Forums | What to Expect (2024)

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Future MIL put me in an awkward situation - Overbearing MILs | Forums | What to Expect (1)

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Girlm0mx003

EDITED AT THE END OF POST FOR UPDATE!

Help ! I don’t keep anything from my fiancée. Never have. I literally tell him everything; He’s my best friend. Anyways the other day his mom told me some…wild… details about my fiancée’s dad (her ex husband) and her relationship. What led up to their divorce. She immediately followed it up with “dont tell _____ we never felt like he needed to know that”. I responded with it’s not my place to tell so she doesn’t have to worry about me saying anything. So I won’t. I always stick to my word but now I feel like I’m keeping something from my fiancée and I haaaate it !! How do I shake this feeling without telling him. It’s been a few days any all I want to do is tell him…especially now that we just had a conversation about his dad.

*For context: it happened after he was born - we’re in our 30s now.

——UPDATE—— : I ended up telling him. I could not look at home and not feel like I was hiding something from him. At first he was mad, until I told him what she said.. then he said “she must have forgotten when she got drunk she told me that”. He is upset with his mom for putting me in a situation like that. I’m going to tell her that I would appreciate it if she never tells me something I’m not suppose to tell him again because we don’t keep secrets from each other.

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Girlmom-79

I personally wouldn't keep it from him. I would just say, "Your mom made some wild accusations about your dad the other day but then asked me not to tell you as she felt you never needed to know. I told her I wouldn't say anything but I feel conflicted as I wouldn't want your mom to hate me for not keeping her trust but at the same time I would never want to keep anything from you"

Let him be the one to decide if he wants to know or not. It just demonstrates to him that it's his mom that has put you in this position.

If he tells her that he knows then you need to say to her, "I'm sorry but it was eating me up keeping a secret from him - him and I are a team together who will hopefully build our own little family together one day so I would never want to jeopardise his trust as he is my first priority"

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d-lieluh

It’s completely inappropriate for her to be telling you intimate details about her relationship with his father and asking you to keep it secret.

It honestly feels like she’s just trying to drive a wedge between DH and his father. That being said, I would never keep anything from my husband. Imagine down the road he ends up finding out or she tells him out of spite for her ex husband and it comes out that you knew the whole time and kept it from him? I would feel so hurt and betrayed if that were me.

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Future MIL put me in an awkward situation - Overbearing MILs | Forums | What to Expect (20)

Maxijaximommy

Agree w pps.

This was highly inappropriate of her and I wonder what her goal was with this. It’s probably nothing good.

What I’d personally do is call or text her and let her know that it was inappropriate of her to ask you to keep this from DH and that you will be telling him because you guys don’t keep secrets and you aren’t starting now. Then I’d also tell her to not tell you secrets going forward because you won’t be keeping anything from your SO.

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anLouis-10-11

I would tell him. It’s inappropriate of her to tell you something and ask you to keep it from him, and she knows that. If he didn’t need to know, neither do you. Next time this happens (if you haven’t already), say “well I don’t keep anything from him because I love & trust him, as he does me. So if you don’t want one of us to know, please don’t tell either of us.” She needs to understand she cannot do sneaky stuff like this, even if just for the fact that like.. eewwww?? Why do you care about her relationship from 30+ years ago?? ��

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That’s not appropriate for her to put you in that position.

NOW, if she told you just out of the blue and then said don’t tell him, who cares what she wants, you tell him because she just threw unwanted information on you. BUT if she was like “hey can I tell you something that you can’t tell your husband” and you agreed (which that doesn’t seem like the case) then you’d be in the wrong for even listening to what she has to say.

I’d tell my husband, i wouldn’t be able to hide it either.

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ocmama1980

She set you up. She’s waiting for you to either tell your fiancé and be “unfaithful” to her so she can label you the mean DIL, or she’s waiting to see if you keep her secret so she knows (thinks) she can weasel her way in between you and your fiancé. I say tell him, and explain she said not to tell, but you don’t feel right about her telling you secrets about him to keep from him. She’s being manipulative and instigating problems.

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j226smith

Nope. I don’t have secrets from Dh

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ftms25

She sounds like a cheater or he was. Either way their relationship failed assuming . And your response when she tries to blame you for your hubby finding out should be dedicated husband and wife never keep anything from each other regardless of what is said to others

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danlan

Tell him. His mom should expect that you’ll tell your husband anything and vice versa - nothing is a secret. The sooner she knows that, the better.

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ThatDoesntWorkForMe

This is fundamentally about loyalty. You can only be loyal to one of them and you have to choose who you will betray.

If you are truly loyal to your fiance, the only option is to tell him the whole truth about what happened, which means betraying his mother’s confidence.

Not telling him is a massive betrayal and no good will come from it.

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