Chapter Text
Sometimes Kakashi has bad days. It used to come by more often, during his ANBU days and all that.
He used to run on one hour of sleep every single day, and even worse on missions. He knew he had to be on tip top shape during a mission, but he couldn’t help the nightmares and the ghosts that had haunted him.
Today was one of those bad days. Frankly, nothing bad has happened in the past few days, nor does it seem to have any hints that something will happen. The war has ended after all.
It was a normal day. He wasn’t overworked with documents, he wasn’t tormented by the past (now, that’s debatable, considering the date) so he really didn’t know why he was uneasy.
The morning sun was covered by clouds, though it stayed fairly bright, which meant it wasn’t going to rain anytime soon. He could be wrong though.
He sighed and rubbed his temple, hoping to ease the stabbing pain beneath his skull. It was a shame that he felt completely exhausted for no apparent reason. It was such a nice day outside.
“—sama?” He blinked at the sudden voice in front of him and he huffs, giving the man a pointed look.
“I tried so hard to stop you from calling me ‘taichou’ you know.”
Tenzo snorted. “Sometimes it’s on purpose.”
If his younger self saw him right now, he might’ve been proud at how much Tenzo’s grown these past few years.
If Kakashi’s younger younger self saw him right now, he might’ve scowled at the pathetic sight of him pouting in front of his subordinate.
“Do you feel sick today, senpai?” Kakashi blinks again.
“Hm?”
“You’re spacing out more than usual.”
“It could be on purpose as a punishment.” He retorts playfully.
Tenzo rolls his eyes (in amusem*nt.) and places down his mission report without any more retorts.
Kakashi slides the report closer and lays his chin on the palm of his hand. He scans through it in silence. It almost makes him wish he had a Sharingan to make this process quicker.
Almost.
His eye stings, a phantom sensation of his chakra getting drained.
…?
“Is there any reason you’re staring at me? Am I too pretty for you,Tenzo?”
Said man jolts and flushes in embarrassment, ah how cute. Even though he should be used to Kakashi’s teasing, he still falls for it on occasion.
The corner of his lips curled up at the sight.
“N—No reason! It’s just—I mean, if you don’t notice anything wrong then, I shouldn’t point it out to you to make you think about it unnecessarily.”
His eye narrows. “I’m your senpai, I can handle it.”
“It’s really nothing to worry about!”
“Tenzo.”
“Really!”
Kakashi gives him a dead—panned look. “Are you really going to try lying to your Hokage?”
Tenzo huffs, but lifts his finger hesitantly towards the wall. Kakashi trails his eyes over to where the other had been pointing. The calendar?
What was…?
Oh.
oh.
It was that day.
“Sorry.” Tenzo muttered.
Kakashi shook his head, the warm and teasing mood sending itself down to the chilliest of levels.
The pain made more sense now.
“Senpai—“ Kakashi raises his hand to cut him off, shaking his head, “It’s fine. I should’ve known. My body always remembers.”
Tenzo hesitantly (and guiltily) nods.
“Don't worry so much, it’s manageable nowadays. You should know.” It should have been. Long ago, it might’ve felt more numb than anything, but now?
The lack of a chakra drain in his eye gives him the reminder that the Obito he knew is dead. And he is never ever coming back.
Kakashi had to watch him die twice. His eyes quickly shut to hide his distress.
Tenzo—knowing that trying to get an answer is like pulling teeth i.e completely futile—bows and dismisses himself. But not without placing a small plastic bag full of snacks that would help him eat food without feeling nauseous.
“Thank you.” Kakashi smiles from under his mask. It was genuine.
—
Every day on this day, the day of that mission, the day that he lost Obito and his eye, he becomes extremely tense and his mind becomes muddled with memories.
He used to force himself through missions, but after an incident which left everyone in a bad spot, they stopped giving him missions on this day. And even when he got his Genin team, it became a day in which he isolated himself from the world.
None of his kids has noticed yet. Unsurprising, since it’s just a random day in the world, and he’s always urged his fellow Jounin not to say anything.
And the fact that Naruto (and Sasuke) had left the village for a while, leaving only Sakura to notice this odd habit.
She didn’t, of course, she was always busy training with Tsunade—sama. There were some close occasions, but he always shut it down quickly, and she had stopped asking.
Naruto might’ve seen Obito’s memories, but it’s not like his memories had a calendar to match up the day, so he didn’t know either. Probably.
“Sensei, you seem—” Her arm lifted in concern as his blank eyes watched the movement. He steps back, he didn’t mean to do that, turning around and waves. He grasps at the strings of his vocal chords, stop worrying her damnit and spoke.
“Maa, it’s almost three hours now, I have to turn in my report now.”
Sakura’s lips thinned, but she nodded. Kakashi could see something bitter in her eyes. He guessed it was the way he barely had anything to teach her or tell her or anything but all he could say was—
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t say it. He couldn’t. All he could see were strands of hair that resembled the shades of chestnuts instead of the petals of a cherry blossom tree. He saw dark brown eyes instead of emerald green. He saw purple streaks on her cheeks. He saw blood. Sorry was not enough. Sorry was not enough for Obito, for Rin, for all of Team 7. All he did was fail all of them.
All he is was a coward.
—
He lasts till the late afternoon, the aching has reached painful heights in which he could barely focus on the words written on the paper. Shikamaru sighs, murmuring something about being super troublesome and leaves for a few minutes before returning with Shizune, who glares at him.
“Seriously? We all know what today is Kakashi—sama,” Not really, Kakashi thinks, judging by the way the other boy raises his eyebrows, “You’re ahead of schedule in terms of paperwork, it’s no wonder it’s extra painful today. Just rest.”
“Really? Ordering your Hokage?” He mused, ignoring the blurring vision in his other eye. She only gives him a deadpanned look.
“I knew you before you became Hokage, don’t test me, Kakashi—sama.”
He sighs, pouts a little at the honorific again, relents hesitantly after more glares.
He bows his head to Shikamaru, “It’s the day that I lost my eye.” It feels weird to say it out loud, the other Jounins would’ve known not to ask or say anything, but he supposes he can’t hide it much longer.
“Ah.” He doesn’t say anymore. Kakashi pats his shoulder gratefully.
“Don’t do anything troublesome, Hokage—sama.”
“Can you drop the ‘—sama’ at least?”
“Sure, Hokage—sensei.”
“Naruto told you to say that.” Kakashi sighed, more of a statement than a question. He’d be more amused if he wasn’t feeling any pain, but he rolls his eyes.
The younger man only shrugged and moved out of his way.
—
He stares at the sky, laying down and wasting his life away. Why does he even feel this way anymore?
He’s accepted it, he thought he did.
Did he? Was Obito right in calling him a failure? His fault that the fight had started, if he wasn’t such a selfish asshole— he would’ve left Obito and Rin to die and no one would’ve survived that mission. And Minato—Sensei would’ve been disappointed— is that the only reason you didn’t want your teammates to die?
Are you really that pathetic?
Kakashi shook his head, his thoughts jumbled. He didn’t understand what he was thinking. His head hurt.
He tries to remind himself that what was done has been done. The past couldn’t have been changed. He had gained the sharingan that day. And Rin had been saved.
But Obito was lost to that man.
Obito had wanted the perfect world after he realised that the world was corrupted, that the villages would forever send children to fight, children who could’ve had their childhoods. He had been the reason for Kushina and Minato’s death with his own choices. He had killed innocent people for that dream world.
If Kakashi did things differently, less of a jerk, would he have done the same?
Madara could have taken a different Uchiha child, he could have stayed Obito.
If Kakashi didn’t exist—
He shook his head. He knew his thoughts were going to dangerous levels. He knew that thinking about what if’s were futile. After all the suffering he had endured, what was really left of him?
He pressed two fingers at the area below his ear
He listens out for the erratic beats, counting and counting.
Beat. Beat. Beat.
He was alive. And Obito had been, and he had made his choice. And in the end, he died a comrade.
He wishes he had a distraction of some sort… unfortunately, everything reminded him of the idiot Ninja.
He snorted at his own thoughts, it’s been years and he still thinks of Obito as a dumbass, even if he was successful with manipulating so many people.
Old memories stick better, he supposed.
Today was… a weird day to think about. He knew that on the day of Rin’s death, this feeling, grieving, would be even worse.
“Sensei?”
He didn’t open his eyes, recognising that voice very clearly. He didn’t freeze, no, he had too much control to visibly freeze, but he wished that he would be left alone.
That’s another futile wish, for he knew his student was relentless, even if he assumed that Kakashi was sleeping.
He heard quiet steps padding over to him, the sounds of grass swishing slightly.
He felt a poke on his masked cheek. He sighed loudly. That was a sign that Naruto knew he was awake. If he didn’t, he would’ve been more careful, instincts of Shinobi and all that. One of his eyes opened to look at him.
“Why are you poking me?”
“Shikamaru told me you’re outta the office for once.” Naruto pouted as he kept poking. Kakashi let him, though it grated on his nerves. “I haven’t seen you in so long ‘ttebayo…”
“I’m the one who assigns you your missions.”
“Not the same!”
“Brat.” He says fondly.
“Why are you even out here?”
“Photosynthesis.” Kakashi says dryly as he sits up, finally halting Naruto in his tracks of constantly poking him. He turned to the side, plastic bags that settled beside Naruto came into view.
“Only Yamato—taichou can use that excuse!”
He snorted, “Yamato would hate that joke.”
Naruto grins in response and suddenly he realises that feels warm and full. The ache is still there, but the warmth distracts him from the pain… Ah. He missed him.
“What are you doing out here, Naruto?” He gestured towards the plastic bags.
Instinctively, he slides down the hitaite on his closed eye. Hokages usually don’t wear the headband, but Kakashi never really feels like one anyway. He still feels like he’s the one following instead of taking the lead.
Naruto frowns slightly but waves his hand around as he explains, “Well! Sasuke—teme is returning for a mission ‘n Sakura—chan and I are gonna have a party! Even Yamato—Taichou and Sai are coming by for a bit!”
He doesn’t understand why he feels a sting in his chest but he ignores it. “Maa, sounds like fun then.”
Naruto nods enthusiastically.
“Come on, Kakashi, we’re celebrating the fact that your teammates are chunin now.” Minato says sternly as Obito scoffs to the side.
“It’s useless to celebrate something like that.” He says, his voice monotone and cold.
“We might never have this chance again soon, please Kakashi—kun?” Rin pleaded.
“Sensei?”
“Are you cooking or are you buying ramen for this?” He looks away, trying to distract himself from another memory. ‘Never’ Indeed.
Naruto seemed to take a moment to think about what to say before crossing his arms, supposedly acting annoyed at the question.
“Hey! I know that I can’t eat ramen all he time! Sasuke and Sakura—chan would hate it if I didn’t bring anything else.”
A light smile slides onto his cheeks before he moves to stand up. “Well, better get going then, the food isn’t going to make itself.”
“Eh? But—“ Kakashi waves and poofs away, leaving the blond cold and alone.
—
“I told him about the party but I don’t even know if he’s going…” The boy sulked when he opened the door. A blur of pink moved towards him and took the bags off his hands.
“I don’t even know why he’s avoiding us! Y’know— he even slid the headband down his eye, I dunno if he knew he did that or not but he’s acting weird!”
Sakura sighs in response, more worry than
anything else. “Sensei does like to ignore things he doesn’t want to think about.”
The boy whined even more, “But why? He said he was proud of us dattebayo!”
“That’s not what I meant.” She says as she opens the bag and takes every item out. She places the pork and yoghurt in the fridge and reaches for the cutting board.
She takes the moment to think.
—
He feels bad for dipping out of nowhere but he was starting to feel agitated. He usually wasn't this easily tipped. He was a calm and collected man with the ability to hide his annoyance and emotions easily —his fellow jounin always tried to find ways to piss him off when he was younger.
It takes a moment but he recognises the pit in his stomach as jealousy, and the rock sinks even more. Jealous, huh…
Did the world hate him? Was everything just suddenly piling up on him on this day? After that interaction, he just wanted to wither away in his apartment, but he wouldn’t let himself do that. He couldn’t.
He remembers seeing his father laying on the floor covered—Okay, everything and anything really was triggering him today.
He takes another breath and he walks. His arm itches.
—
Kakashi sits next to the stream of water.
He ignores the stream of red on his arm. It wasn’t real. He knew it wasn’t real but it still got to him. He took another breath.
It’s been awhile since he’d had the instinct to do this. To ease the itching.
He knows he shouldn’t touch the water, he knows he’ll end up rubbing his arm against the water and he knows he’ll end up with red patches on his skin.
But he feels his heart rate increasing and he starts to feel the air escape him and he dips his hand into the river. The river was stained red.
It wasn’t real.
The itching continued but he refused to scratch his arm. Even as he feels tiny ants crawling, tiny sensations pulsating as they crawled crawled crawled. He shivered.
Today was not going well.
He wonders if it’ll be worse on Rin’s day.
He feels empty realising that her death was orchestrated. It was much easier blaming himself.
He curled into himself.
He doesn’t know how long he sat there, staring at his reflection, his hand stained red. It wouldn’t come off no matter how long his hand was soaked in water. Maybe he’d have a better time if he had rubbed his hands together, rubbed away the dirt, th—
He reminds himself that the blood isn’t real.
Abruptly, a hand catches his wrist and tugs his hands upwards. Blinking, Kakashi realised that small bumps had filled his hands. It was wrinkled from top to bottom. How long had he dunked his hand?
Also, if he hadn’t recognised the chakra signature keeping his hand captive, he probably would’ve been disappointed in himself. Really? Losing track of your time and surroundings? He should’ve gotten over this already…
“You’re back?” Kakashi tilts his head as he finally looks at the other man who lets go of his hand with a short huff.
“Didn’t Naruto tell you? I did say I was coming back for today. Why are you sitting here?”
Kakashi waves his hand around, “Well, I thought you’d be later, it is a little early for the party, you know.”
Sasuke has an unamused glint in his eyes, and his voice was sarcastic yet curious(…?). “The sun is setting.”
Well— he didn’t notice that… maybe he should visit T&I sometime soon. Maybe that’ll let him resign from the Hokage position and hand it to Naruto!
And immediately after, his thoughts get shut down by another as he remembers, Naruto was barely out of his teenage—hood. It would be cruel of him to hand off the responsibility to a child who doesn’t understand the laws and responsibilities of a Hokage. Not to mention, the guilt of sending your Shinobi straight into a disaster of a mission.
He wonders how the Sandaime felt, assigning the mission that led his team to fall apart, whether it be his sensei’s team or his, when their C—Rank mission had suddenly become an A—Rank one.
His team could have easily died due to his negligence. If he had tried more…
“Kakashi?”
“Hmm?” Ah… he was in his head again. This day really did hate him huh? “So it is, the party is at night though, isn’t it? Neither of us are late. The sunset is beautiful.”
“You were here before sunset.”
Kakashi nodded, he gave him an eye smile as the corner of his eye crinkled in amusem*nt. “Maybe.”
“Well.” Sasuke grumbled irritatedly, “Come on then.”
“Huh?” The confusion in his eye was extremely apparent.
“The party. You’re supposed to be there.”
He blinked. “I am?”
“Are you serious?”
He laughed awkwardly at the biting tone, shifting to in place before finally standing up and shoving his wrinkly and aching hands into his pocket.
“Well, you know, the two never really said so. Just told me that Sai and Yamato would be there.”
Sasuke’s visible eye twitched.
“And I wouldn’t want to intrude on a team reunion.” He added mirthfully, his instincts telling him to hide, to avoid this admission, but there it goes, leaving his mouth.
Sasuke’s eyes widened slightly before furrowing into an emotion he couldn’t read. He takes that split second to poof away again.
“Is he f*cking serious? Intruding on a team reunion?”
—
This time though, Tenzo catches him, damn kouhai and his character development!
Out of irrational anger, he growled—an action that he’d long grown out of— and smacked his hand away. “Why is everyone trying to find me today? Just leave me alone!”
Tenzo stayed quiet. Kakashi could see the pity plastered on his face.
He feels like the 5 year old child who was lashing out at every adult that came near him.
After a minute, he ducks his head and shifts his gaze towards the trees. His right hand bringing itself up to scratch the back of his neck. Though his irritation never disappeared.
‘Sorry.’ His posture motioned.
“That bad? I thought I told you to rest.” Tenzo frowned.
“Like what?” The burst of anger flared in his chest, a burning flame trying to stay alight, “Stay in my cold apartment and watch the floorboards leak blood like how my father had k—”
His mouth snapped shut. But it was too late. It was far too late to snuff out the fire. He notices that his hands are trembling. His pruney wrinkly calloused fingers. Blood etched on every single surface of his skin. He could smell a metallic scent in the air. He could feel the liquid dripping from his fingers. Each drop.
It splats. He counts. His father. His mentor. His teammates. His students. T—
“Kakashi.”
It didn’t sound like Rin. Too deep to sound like her. Too firm—she could never bring herself to truly hate her teammates—Too smooth. Too… smooth. No stuttering, no gasps no
chokes— “Can I hold your hands, Kakashi?”
He recognises the voice. Kinoe. Tenzo. Friend.
Trust. Safe.
“Ten—“ He chokes on the air and remembers where he is, “Okay.”
A path. A secluded path, but anyone could pass by. Anyone could see their Hokage breaking down over issues that he should’ve been over and done with.
A set of warm, rough hands squeezes his own.
“Breathe with me, In and out.” The man squeezed his hands each time they took a breath. Tenzo.
In and out. In and out. Tenzo exaggerates the way he breathes in a little bit, but it helps. It helps him focus on the silliness of the situation. Focus. His vision becomes clearer and he doesn't see the red stain on his sleeves anymore. His hands are just wrinkly now.
just wrinkly.
“The worst.” He belatedly answers. The corner of his lips lifts slightly.
“You know they wouldn’t mind—“
“I know.” Kakashi interrupted. “I know.”
“But…” Hesitation fills his chest, but he pushes through. “They’re… a picture perfect reminder of my failures as a teacher. And—And that makes it worse. That they don’t despise me like they should. Because I threw them into the sea before they were ready and I didn’t even have a safety net to help.”
All his thoughts are suddenly pouring out, he feels like he can’t stop. And Tenzo makes no move to stop him.
“They left and it’s not their fault, they needed to leave in order to grow but it reminds me of how everyone leaves and it—“ He inhales.
Tenzo understands that Kakashi is both right and wrong about being a bad Sensei.
Tenzo understands and doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing that could be said to reassure the mind. Doubt is the second worst enemy right after despair and they both knew it. Tenzo’s guilt over ROOT and his Mokuton. It still plagued him. And he knew it would never go away. Just like how Sai might never be able to fully understand human emotions.
Tenzo only pulls him closer, slow and open, reminding Kakashi that he could let go whenever he wanted.
Instead, he sinks into Tenzo’s embrace. For the first time in forever, Kakashi lets Tenzo wrap his arms over him. The exhaustion weighing on his shoulders like an anvil, the phantom pain making itself known once again, knocking hard on his skull.
He stifles a pained grunt. Tenzo slowly tightens his hold. “Sorry.”
Kakashi returns the embrace, moving his limp arms onto Tenzo’s back.
“It’s okay.” ‘Who did you see this time?’ was left unsaid.
Silence quickly blankets the two right after that. There’s a second, which turns into a minute, and a few more before Kakashi leaves a shaky sigh and admits it. “Almost everyone.” A reply to the unsaid question.
It used to happen more often with Tenzo being his clutch when he was in Anbu. Though when Tenzo was unavailable, Gai was always there to help. Despite his boisterous demeanour and hyperactive nature, Gai knew when to lower down his volume and what to say to an emotional comrade depending on who it was.
God, he didn’t think he’d still be here if it wasn’t for Gai. Not to mention the other Jounins as well. Although they were more distant compared to the two, they still cared. And it hurt to see their numbers dwindle during the war.
“I—I saw Rin’s blood on my hands. I saw…a flashback of Sensei. A—And I couldn’t stop thinking about Obito’s sacrifice. And my father. And my role as a Hokage.”
He could feel the weight in his chest lifting after leaving his grievances to the air. Tenzo listened to all of them, murmuring comforting words after each confession.
Before he could say anything more though, Tenzo pulled away and tapped on his headband. Ah… he didn’t even know he did that.
“I didn’t even notice.” Kakashi hummed.
“Me either, but I could sense your chakra. It’s focusing on that area again.”
Kakashi blinked.
“Ah.”
Tenzo stares at him for a second.
“Right, right, I’m on it. Distribute it evenly.” Slowly, the extra chakra that was sent to his eye begins to recede into his inner system. The headache lessens, though not by much, it still helps him feel a little more relieved.
“Great. On that note, let’s head over to Naruto’s apartment.”
The other glares at him incredulously. “I just told you it’s been a rough day! They’re going to trigger something and I don’t want to hurt them—please.”
“I know.” Tenzo muttered softly, his expression reminded him of Minato. Firm and kind.
“Then…”
“I sent a clone. I didn’t say anything, Just told them it was a bad day. I promise it’ll be fine. They insisted on you coming and agreed to change their plans a little bit. They really want to help you, Kakashi. Just like you did for them.”
Said man looks away with a grimace, “What did I do? Be late 100% of the time and then ditch training?”
The brunette rolled his eyes, giving the other a light punch to the elbow. “Just get over here, Hatake. If it really gets too much, I’ll take you home. But you can’t hide away this time.”
—
As they reached Naruto’s apartment, Kakashi’s spine stood up straight, finally lifting his aching forehead from Tenzo’s shoulder.
“Sensei!”
There went his peace and quiet…
Naruto winced apologetically and immediately lowered his volume. “Sorry, I was excited.”
“Maa… it’s fine. I really don’t have to be here, you know, you kids can have your rowdy reunion plans back again, probably sparring with one another or something. I can go home.”
Tenzo glares at the statement. He pouted, being scolded sucked.
To his surprise, Naruto pulls them both into the apartment quickly and glares at him for some reason. Sakura seemed to be inside the kitchen humming a soft tune as she moved. The scent of caramel was pungent, so she was probably preparing dessert while Sai and Sasuke was having a staring contest on the couch.
Glad to see them getting along…?
“I’ve got another bone to pick with you, Baka—Sensei.” Somehow, Naruto could have a soft voice and still scold him with it. Kakashi was impressed. Though a little irritated at the insult. It felt too close to Obito’s ‘Bakakashi.’
He pushes that down and leans on his other leg, smiling curiously at the start of the lecture.
“Sasuke—teme told me you ran away from us and this party because you said that you didn’t want to intrude on a team reunion instead of telling us you had a rough day.”
Ah this.
Kakashi, not caring if he was acting childish or not, scowls at the black haired young adult. “Snitch.”
“Idiot.” Sasuke retorted.
“Sensei…” Naruto pouts, somehow in a warning way. Man he missed his cute little genin, they wouldn’t question him at all.
“You’re our team leader, you’re a part of this team and we care about you!”
“For a few months.” Kakashi corrected, “And then you guys went on different missions and had better teachers.” He didn’t mean to sound bitter about that. He hoped Naruto hadn’t noticed.
Kakashi considers his team his family. He had assumed and continues to assume that they don’t think the same. Which was fine. He was fine with being an outsider to his team. Just as long as he is able to watch them grow.
“And? Sai was only with us after a few months to—technically as a replacement— but we still consider him a part of our team!”
“Well… I still really don’t mind being an outsider.”
Tenzo only gives him an incredulous look at the admission. Sai shrugs, “Idiocy runs in the family.”
“I revoke your speaking privileges Sai.”
Tenzo sighs, “Stop making it so complicated Kakashi, you have a headache, have trauma, and are being stupid so just sit down and stay there. Sai, I, as the captain, hand you back your speaking privileges.”
“That’s unfair.”
“Yamato—taichou is being reasonable ‘ttebayo.”
Sasuke, being the worst person ever, abuses the powers in his eye and switches places with Kakashi, with the silver haired man landing roughly onto the couch and Sasuke regaining his balance easily.
Kakashi bit his lip at the world turning over itself, the nausea being far too much to deal with. He groaned. “That was unnecessary.”
Thankfully, Tenzo agreed with him.
“Yeah… but you’d just escape if you weren’t pinned down. You need to just rest. It’s not going to go away by tomorrow dammit.”
Nevermind.
“I hate you, Tenzo.”
“You too, Senpai.” He grins chipperly.
—
Despite wanting to escape, he stayed put on the couch. Not because he couldn’t— well, they were really keeping him trapped. Naruto and Sakura had pinned him down at the sides, both with a smile on their face, such demons.— but because he felt safe. Tenzo wasn’t wrong to drag him to this place.
They didn’t force him to speak about his trauma, though he knew he had to say something, an apology, a thank you for everything, he decided that he would leave that for later.
The soft yet teasing chatter of their voices, mindful of his headaches and emotions.
He was safe. He was okay. He was surrounded by family.
The sudden sensation of being safe and warm with most of the people he cared about sends his overworked brain signals to shut down. He didn't even notice when he had stopped talking with complete words. He didn’t notice when he had stopped being aware of what was being told to him. He barely notices when his heavy lidded eyes fall shut when his companions had commanded him to rest.
His consciousness floated between sleep and the waking world, able to feel the comforting texture of a blanket being dropped onto him. Able to feel two heavy weights on both of his shoulders and arms wrapping around each other.
—
Sakura and Naruto buried their faces into Kakashi’s side, left and right. They both held onto him as if he would poof right into thin air, even as they listened to his heart beating evenly. Naruto could even feel Kakashi’s chakra system pulsing slowly and evenly. No drainage of chakra occurring at all.
“He’s not going to disappear.” Sasuke muttered in front of the two, a plate of cheesecake—a variation that was far less sweet than it should be— and a bunch of strawberries laying sliced on his side.
He seemed restless oddly enough.
Naruto nodded with a blank smile, “Of course not, I added seals.”
“Kakashi—senpai would call that holding your Hokage prisoner.” Yamato snorted but didn’t move to do anything, just running his hand through Kakashi’s hair from behind, knowing it would ease the aches. The man wouldn’t normally allow this when he was awake even if he knew it’d help. Kakashi loved to punish himself and never seek for help.
“Why don’t you join Dickless and Ugly in the pile, Emo?”
Sasuke scowled at the other black haired boy lowly. “I wish I was allowed to stab you.”
“You’d be imprisoned for murdering your technical brother-in-law.” Sakura piped in.
“That’s not how this family works.”
“Yes it does, Kakashi—sensei’s mine and Naruto’s cool big brother, Yamato—taichou’s husband—“ Yamato sputters incredulously in the background, “and Sai’s our weird younger brother.”
“And since you’re my partner, Sensei’s also your brother-in-law.” Sakura says with a grin at the blatant false family tree of this team.
“Also, Senpai was never going to tell you this, but Minato—san did actually adopt him as his child. So legally, Naruto is his brother. Kakashi—senpai didn’t know until Tsunade—sama told him.” Yamato added quietly, thinking what better time to tell them than now.
“WHA—“ Naruto whipped his head towards Yamato with wide eyes before a hand slaps itself onto his mouth, covering the loud outburst.
“Do you want to wake Kakashi—sensei up!?” Sakura hissed.
Somehow, Kakashi doesn’t stir, only curling closer to his students.
It made Yamato grimace yet smile at the reminder that although he had suffered far too much for a person to deal with, he had felt safe with this place. This family.
This home.
“My brother…” Naruto gasped lowly, turning to the sleeping figure. “He didn’t want to tell me?”
“He has a complex.” Surprisingly, Sasuke’s eyes were gentle (and guilty) when he crawled closer to the cuddle pile.
“He does.” They all agreed, before chuckling knowing his reaction.
“I’m going to terrorise him till he admits defeat. We are family. And we leave absolutely no one behind.”
Yamato smiles, relieved.
“Hold Kakashi—senpai for a sec?” They nod curiously.
Yamato lowers the back of the couch before revealing that it could be moved and lowered to create a small makeshift bed. It was just enough for everyone to huddle close and feel the warmth.
Naruto gasped again, though this time it’s more in a genuine surprised way than a sad surprised yet somewhat knowing sound. If that made any sense. “I didn’t know it could do that and I live here!”
“It is Yamato—Taichou's couch.” Sai remembered with a small smile.
“I almost forgot about that!”
“Shut up, idiot.” Sasuke scolded.
“You’re the idiot.”
”Both of you are idiots.” Sai added.
“Boys…please.” Sakura glared as she lowered her Sensei carefully, hoping not to awaken him during their argument. All of them knew that Kakashi was a light sleeper and that it was hard for him to fall asleep at all. The fact that he was leaving himself so vulnerable warmed her heart.
Often, he would leave a wall of chakra that would awaken him at any time if it sensed movement or any sort of malicious sound. Or even leave traps in place before closing his eyes. Even when asleep, he was quick to fall back into awareness very easily.
Right now? He was knocked out. Whether it was from the exhaustion or trust, she didn’t want to ruin that deep sleep that her sensei never gets to experience due to nightmares or unsafe areas of sleeping.
“Move.” Sasuke, surprisingly, scowled at Sai and dragged him to Naruto’s side of the pile. He takes off the clip of his cloak and settles near Sakura’s side.
Yamato laughs at the act. It seemed that Sai was wriggling into a place in Sasuke’s heart despite the hostility. The boy in question also seemed surprised at the behaviour, but this time, his expression held a soft weight to it as he leaned close and closed his eyes. And soon Sasuke follows with his hand wrapped around Sakura’s which also allowed him to feel Kakashi’s sparky but protective chakra as well.
Yamato grinned fondly, before laying by the kid’s head.
He was thankful for this opportunity to be with the team. All of them are alive and well.
This probably wouldn’t be the last time. They knew they had to talk about it.
But for now, they would stay here for their family. A space of calm.
His team would be there for all the times Kakashi had been there for them, even if the man himself hadn’t remembered how his small actions had affected them at all.
